By Our Staff Divest Bing Member This spooky costume takes a little bit of time to prepare. With 6 years of childhood neglect, 12 years of not being bullied enough, two months without a shower, and three hair dye appointments, you will be well on your way to completing your “Divest Bing Member” cosplay. Justin Trudeau First, you are going to want to get some black paint. Like, a LOT of black paint.…
Impeachment Within Reach
By Joe Badalamenti President Donald Trump, love him or hate him, has become the most dynamic figure of this decade, so much so that the primary platform of the Democratic Party has become his impeachment. Fortunately for the Democrats, an unlikely scandal involving the Ukrainian Government has given them their chance. But what really happened with this scandal? Was this a big brain move by the Democrats, or will the Democrats eagerness to impeach hinder…
TikTok: Manic Episodes for Clout
By Patrick McAuliffe In the unplanned sequel to my expression of concern over millennial humor, “Area 51 and Weaponized Depression,” I would like to focus my attention on the newest hip thing that all the kids are doing: the spiritual successor to Musical.ly, TikTok. The Area 51 raid was pitiful, to say the least, but I have respect for those few hundred that showed up (an honorable mention to the Naruto running guy). It’s also good…
The College Progressives & Privilege
By Nerdicus Maximus Since its founding four years ago, The College Progressives club has radicalized well beyond the American left. They have developed many anarchist and socialist policies which have already posed serious threats to our university community. Many of the progressives also can’t recognize their own privilege: privilege granted by the American system they despise. This article will discuss a few of these policies, and the consequences they have posed in history and in…
NO NEGOTIATIONS
By Musclini Still trying to change the minds of liberals? That’s cringe bro. If your goal is to inflate your ego by “proving” the other side wrong, okay fine, but if your objective is to actually alter the way your counterpart thinks and make them an epic conservative like you, I got news for ya. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. “No, that can’t be. All my favorite TV show and movie characters always change their…
Ms. Monopoly, Where Everyone Loses!
By Brendan Casey The family fun game of dice rolling, property buying, and intense negotiations, almost always ending in a board being flipped, has been taken over and ruined, all in the name of progression. Who would want to ruin the classic American board game you might ask? The pink hat wearing, Beto O’rourke supporting, social justice warrior feminists of course. Hasbro, the creator of Monopoly, rolled out this women empowerment version of Monopoly. Now,…
Mo Money Mo Problems
By Bryn Lauer According to the 2015-16 census of data.nysed.gov, 5,491 students from kindergarten to 12th grade attend Binghamton Public School District, with 75% of those students considered economically disadvantaged. This comes with no surprise as, according to 2019 data, 1 in every 3 persons in Binghamton are below the poverty line. Even roughly 50% of kids enrolled in nursery school are extremely disadvantaged. Off the bat this lowers Binghamton student’s chances for success. “Poverty…
The Firearms That Shaped America, Part 2
By John Restuccia Welcome back readers to my multi-part series on the “Firearms That Shaped America.” If you haven’t read the last part, definitely give it a read to learn about the very first gun that shaped American history. Looking back on Part 1, the importance of this series is becoming more apparent. It seems that guns and gun control are completely taking over the 24 hour news cycle. As much as these conversations take…
The Drinking Bird: A Brief Explanation
By Madeline Perez The mysteries of the world are commonly obscured by the ignorance and apathy of the common man. People are so concerned with their actual lives that they forget to sit back and ponder things like “why”, and “how.” What a pity. This phenomenon is leading to the death of critical thought, creativity, and the scientific method as we know it. What many fail to realize is that it’s everyday mysteries that add zest…
In Memoriam
By Our Staff Last week, the Binghamton Review community lost one of its own. Franklin “Fucktard” Wilson was a freshman cinematography major with hopes of one day working for his favorite film company, Brazzers. He was best known for his article “Jeffrey Epstein Was Definitely Suicided,” which was published in Vol. XXXII, Is. II of Binghamton Review. Franklin was born April 20th, 2001 at Obama’s birthplace in Kenya. At age six he moved to little…
Climate in Crisis?
By Kevin Vorrath Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few weeks you’ve likely heard of the climate strikes being organized around the country and the world, as well as right here in Binghamton. Large crowds of people are out demanding dramatic action be taken to “save” the environment before we hit a climate doomsday, but when you examine the statistics, our environment is better off than we are often led to…
Baxter Accused of Sexual Harassment
By Harley Stinger Last Thursday, Baxter the Bearcat was accused of sexual harassment by an anonymous woman. The woman in question said that Baxter regularly “Bearcat-called” her. Bearcat calling is like cat-calling, but also racist. Baxter, who has not spoken since he caught his parents having sex back in 2004, did not respond to our request for comment. The brave young woman, however, claims that she came forward in hopes of inspiring others, and getting…
51 Things You’ll Find at Area 51
By Our Staff A living, breathing Thanos A cure for asbestos Sand Toothpaste that 10/10 dentists recommend Jeffrey Epstein The fifth Shrek movie The Omnitrix Master Chief’s armor Fix-it ramen The secret to why kids love Cinnamon toast crunch Trump’s real hair Nicholas Cage Nicholas Cage’s cage Cage-free Nicholas Cage The Declaration of Independence (Courtesy of Nicholas Cage) Ricardo Milos Despacito 3 (The Third) An actually good Cardi B song A living, breathing Danny DeVito…