The Mothman Menace

By Matt Gagliano

Three Binghamton University students went missing last week after going to the nature preserve in hopes of finding a creature they refer to as “the Mothman.” The Mothman is described as a creature that is half moth, half man. Some argue that he is actually half man, half moth, but we don’t associate with those people. Supposedly, several Binghamton students have reported seeing the Mothman recently, despite that fact that the last reported Mothman sighting before he was spotted in Binghamton was in the 1920’s, when he was allegedly found eating shoes at the Endicott-Johnson shoe factory. It’s unknown why this creature would be eating shoes, seeing as that is not normal behavior for neither moths, nor men, but who am I to judge? While we still do not know how or why the Mothman ended up in Binghamton, we do know that he has been bothering our students for weeks now. One victim of a Mothman attack claims that he was just minding his own business when he turned around to find the Mothman standing a few feet behind him. “He was just standing there, menacingly!” the victim claims. When asked about their encounter with the Mothman, another student had this to say: “Why the hell does he have a shark head if he’s supposed to be half moth, half man? Wouldn’t that make him half moth, half man, half shark? Like some kind of man-moth-shark?”

Unfortunately, despite the astronomical amount of evidence that proves his existence, some people still refuse to believe that the Mothman exists. “I’ve never seen him before, therefore he doesn’t exist” one Mothman denier pompously claimed. If at least two eyewitness accounts aren’t enough for you, the camera of the three students who went missing was recovered by university police. This camera contains footage of the Mothman, which undeniably proves that he does, in fact, exist. If you still aren’t convinced, this footage can be found on the Binghamton Review YouTube channel. Why was this footage uploaded to YouTube instead of being used in an investigation to find the missing students? Probably for that sweet, sweet ad revenue. You always gotta be on that grind, am I right gamers?

While those who don’t believe in the Mothman are ignorant and should be removed from this campus immediately, there are people who are much worse: the Mothman sympathizers. I have heard from multiple Mothman witnesses that the Mothman isn’t actually bad, he’s just “misunderstood.” The only logical conclusion as to why someone would think this way is that they have been brainwashed by the Mothman. I don’t know how he’s doing it, but there’s no way anyone could have a different opinion from me unless they’ve been brainwashed.