By Bryn Lauer Sometimes I am afraid to dangle my feet off the edge of my bed. I don’t know where this irrational fear comes from, most likely lingering childhood fears from the fascinating brain of a young girl. Kid or not, when it comes to things of the unknown, man has a God-given gift of discernment. Just as something inside me warns that the darkness under my bed contains unforeseen dangers, humanity fears…
Post-Nut Clarity: The Hard Truth
By Madeline Perez As you know, here at the Binghamton Review, we abstain from “nutting” and its implications, but with No-Nut November coming up, we thought a related article would be appropriate. So we put in the hard work for you. As a human past the age of 14, chances are you’ve heard of post-nut clarity or maybe even experienced it for yourself. Some of you probably just passed it off as a joke…
The Ghost of Chinese Censorship
By Harold Rook You know what? I’m going to do something edgy today! But what edgy thing can I do that I haven’t done before? Hmm, I already spent the past week making jokes about the Democrat presidential debates (like watching ten old grandparents nudging each other with canes over a bowl of spilled oatmeal) and Antifa (the literal embodiment of ironic Blackshirts). No, I need something new, something that truly deserves the public…
The Moth Within Us
By Anonymous I find it necessary to write this piece because of all of the bullshit and hatred that has been spreading among the campus in regards to the Mothman. I’m going to try to keep this professional, but if I’m being honest, the recent slanderous hit piece titled “The Mothman Menace” was the straw that broke the moth’s wings. After all the progress this world has made, I can’t help but be furious…
The Mothman Menace
By Matt Gagliano Three Binghamton University students went missing last week after going to the nature preserve in hopes of finding a creature they refer to as “the Mothman.” The Mothman is described as a creature that is half moth, half man. Some argue that he is actually half man, half moth, but we don’t associate with those people. Supposedly, several Binghamton students have reported seeing the Mothman recently, despite that fact that the…
Top 5 Creepy Pastas
By Sebastian Roman Lasagne In addition to being impossible to spell, why does it have so many layers? Why does it need so many layers? It’s clearly hiding something, but what is it? The fact that this pasta is so mysterious and obscure makes it unsettling. Mac & Cheese Who is Mac, and why would you want to eat him and his cheese? And why are they never separate, why is…
Top 5 Creepypastas
By Sebastian Roman Smile.JPG This story is about a picture of a smiling dog that drives everyone who sees it insane. This story is one of the earliest creepypastas to spread on the internet, thus earning it a spot on this list. Slenderman Slenderman is a story about a tall faceless man with tentacles that come out his back. Slenderman received its spot on this list because it is one of…
Madeline Wrote a Creepypasta While Jon Was at the Gym
By Our Staff (But mostly Madeline Perez) I’ve always hated that statue. That horrifying Bearcat statue. Nine-hundred pounds of bronze, shaped into an abhorrent freak of nature. Immensely strong, I always had the feeling that it could rip me to shreds without even trying. This creature was not one of God, but one created within the minds of men. Or women- who knows. The twisted grimace and dead eyes would make my skin crawl…
Best Halloween Costumes for 2019
By Our Staff Divest Bing Member This spooky costume takes a little bit of time to prepare. With 6 years of childhood neglect, 12 years of not being bullied enough, two months without a shower, and three hair dye appointments, you will be well on your way to completing your “Divest Bing Member” cosplay. Justin Trudeau First, you are going to want to get some black paint. Like, a LOT of black paint.…
Impeachment Within Reach
By Joe Badalamenti President Donald Trump, love him or hate him, has become the most dynamic figure of this decade, so much so that the primary platform of the Democratic Party has become his impeachment. Fortunately for the Democrats, an unlikely scandal involving the Ukrainian Government has given them their chance. But what really happened with this scandal? Was this a big brain move by the Democrats, or will the Democrats eagerness to impeach hinder…
TikTok: Manic Episodes for Clout
By Patrick McAuliffe In the unplanned sequel to my expression of concern over millennial humor, “Area 51 and Weaponized Depression,” I would like to focus my attention on the newest hip thing that all the kids are doing: the spiritual successor to Musical.ly, TikTok. The Area 51 raid was pitiful, to say the least, but I have respect for those few hundred that showed up (an honorable mention to the Naruto running guy). It’s also good…
The College Progressives & Privilege
By Nerdicus Maximus Since its founding four years ago, The College Progressives club has radicalized well beyond the American left. They have developed many anarchist and socialist policies which have already posed serious threats to our university community. Many of the progressives also can’t recognize their own privilege: privilege granted by the American system they despise. This article will discuss a few of these policies, and the consequences they have posed in history and in…
NO NEGOTIATIONS
By Musclini Still trying to change the minds of liberals? That’s cringe bro. If your goal is to inflate your ego by “proving” the other side wrong, okay fine, but if your objective is to actually alter the way your counterpart thinks and make them an epic conservative like you, I got news for ya. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. “No, that can’t be. All my favorite TV show and movie characters always change their…
Ms. Monopoly, Where Everyone Loses!
By Brendan Casey The family fun game of dice rolling, property buying, and intense negotiations, almost always ending in a board being flipped, has been taken over and ruined, all in the name of progression. Who would want to ruin the classic American board game you might ask? The pink hat wearing, Beto O’rourke supporting, social justice warrior feminists of course. Hasbro, the creator of Monopoly, rolled out this women empowerment version of Monopoly. Now,…
Mo Money Mo Problems
By Bryn Lauer According to the 2015-16 census of data.nysed.gov, 5,491 students from kindergarten to 12th grade attend Binghamton Public School District, with 75% of those students considered economically disadvantaged. This comes with no surprise as, according to 2019 data, 1 in every 3 persons in Binghamton are below the poverty line. Even roughly 50% of kids enrolled in nursery school are extremely disadvantaged. Off the bat this lowers Binghamton student’s chances for success. “Poverty…