By Milton “Ko inkei” Gilbert Recently I have noticed something wrong with my dating sim magical girlfriend. Big Booty Goddess (I named her myself) has seemed to be bored with our relationship. I do not know why! I continue to show her my new Fluttershy doll and try to watch Big Bang Theory with her (I love with Sheldor does the Bazinga)! I realize what needs to happen: government involvement in my relationship! Government involvement…
Conservatism, True Punk Rock
By Johnny Ramone Lately, you may have heard a phrase that has become trendy among certain circles. That phrase is something along the lines of, “Conservatism is the new punk rock.” As a huge fan of punk rock myself, I can tell you that this is absolutely 100% true. Think about it. American culture is dominated by a sort of liberal orthodoxy, a direct result of the totally socialist, totally progressive Hollywood propaganda machine and…
Operation Rescue Bob Mueller
By Matthew Rosen Ok this has to be a joke right? There is no way Attorney General William Barr’s letter is accurate. For anyone who doesn’t know, Special Counsel Bob Mueller ended the investigation into 45’s collusion with Putin. According to William Barr (45’s new Attorney General), Mueller has NOT found evidence of Russian collusion or Obstruction of Justice! Guys (or girls, or other pronouns… because I don’t want to assume your pronouns of course),…
Stop Playing the New Zealand Shooter’s Game
By Tommy Gagliano On March 15th, a terrorist attack was carried out on two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand. The death toll has now reached 50, with another 50 or so injured. The shooter, who I will not name, live streamed the massacre on Facebook using a GoPro which he attached to his head. He also wrote a manifesto, which he sent to New Zealand’s Prime Minister minutes before the attack took place. The manifesto…
Young Motherhood
By Mason Carteri Recently, I was in contact with some friends from my hometown, milling over the latest gossip from our old high school. From them I learned that a local girl had gotten pregnant at 16, and because it’s the 21st century, she had of course made a YouTube channel as well. Somewhat instinctively, I rolled my eyes and groan-laughed before looking up her channel. At that moment, I was more morbidly curious, like…
You’ve Been Lied To About Campus Sexual Assault
By Sarah Waters We’ve all heard the statistics: 1 in 5 women are raped in college. Or 1 in 4. Or was it 1 in 3? These scary, ever-changing statistics are fed to women before they even get to college. The problem? They’re complete bull. Before you start screaming that I’m a rape apologist, you should know that I myself am a survivor of campus rape. It is unbearably difficult to heal from repeated rape…
Why the Bing Butt is Conservative and Therefore Epic
By Josephi Krakowski As I pulled open Facebook to view the most recent Breitbart post about why Trump is my dad, I came across a post by the Bing Butt. As I was unaware of the Bing Butt and assuming that this was another attempt by Binghamton University to convince people to quit smoking, I decided to look into it. After all, my Juuling and chewing have been adding up to be a costly habit.…
The Shadow of Eugenics
By Brian Murray “Consider God’s handiwork, who can straighten what He hath made crooked” Ecclesiastes 7:13 The most promising breakthroughs in modern medicine and disease prevention occurring right now are made in the realm of genetic editing, and the newest and most promising method of altering DNA strands is known as CRISPR. CRISPR is a method of altering genetic code that uses a protein known as CAS9 that is able to locate a certain pattern…
A Killing Joke
By John Restuccia When analyzing comic book characters with stories that changed the medium, one character has had more groundbreaking stories than any other – Batman. Throughout the history of the character, Batman’s stories have pushed the boundaries of what comic books could be. What was once seen as just stories for kids became dark, mature stories that questioned morals and what really was good or evil. Two issues ago I wrote about Frank Miller…
Do Pro-Life Messages Bother You?
By Jordan Jardine It may surprise some Review readers to hear this from me, but there is one political issue on which I have a moderately conservative stance: abortion. I am an anarchist, so I tend to err on the side of less state intervention in the lives of the people, but I also believe in the sanctity of all life and that the state, while it exists, should protect innocent lives by any means…
An Amazong Opportunity
By Patrick McAuliffe With Amazon’s divorce from New York City as the sight of its next headquarters, Broome County’s government representatives were eager to jump on the company’s recently single status. February 14th can be considered the day that Broome County Executive Jason Gardner proposed to Amazon to consider this area as its new home, and although the offer was politely declined, the door remains open for the two to remain friends. Professional wingman Rep.…
Top Democrats of 2020 (So Far)
By Matt Rosen As 2020 draws ever closer, the pool of potential democratic candidates is filling to the brim. In this piece I will analyze current contenders for the democratic nomination most likely to succeed. As a disclaimer, my rationale for this list of “Top Democrats” is simply my early guesses, and certainly may change as the campaigns progress. The main qualities of a Democratic candidate who will be successful, in my opinion, are the…
The Case for Legal Prostitution
By Jordan Jardine As stated in previous articles, I am this magazine’s resident anarchist. I believe that all individuals should be free to pursue their dreams, desires and passions as long as these do not infringe upon the rights of others. This is especially the case with social issues. One of the least-discussed of these issues is the world’s oldest profession: prostitution. Sex work is almost as old as humanity and has existed in nearly…
The Christian Argument Against Homophobia
By Tommy Gagliano For centuries, religion has been used as an excuse to be hateful towards homosexuals. A lot of religions, including most sects of the Abrahamic religions, prohibit homosexual behavior, and describe them as sinful. For Christianity specifically, the most commonly cited Bible verses about homosexuality are Leviticus 18 and 20 in the Old Testament, which state that “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.” (Leviticus…
Party of Nun
By Patrick McAuliffe The New York Times reported last week that Pope Francis finally began to speak on the issue of sexual assaults of nuns by clergy. Apparently this scandal has been going on since the 1990s, when the first reports of assault were filed, but the rampant child abuse scandals have overshadowed the problem. The surging popularity of the #MeToo movement, however, is finally forcing the Catholic Church to come to terms with the…