By Harold Rook Hello, comrades! After reading a LOT of Krompkin and Marx, watching popular BreadTube channels, and eating some weird paint chips that fell from the ceiling of a condemned building near my house, I have decided to become a part of Antifa. After mingling with fellow leftist revolutionaries in a Starbucks and determining what flavor I should make my soy latte, we put on our black clothes and took to the streets, protesting…
Free of Charge: Apply for a VictimCard™ Today!
By Mirder O. Crows Why hello there! Tell me: are you sick of the typical uninspired brick-for-brack quote pertaining to the value of individualism? Do you feel victimized on a daily basis based on what you perceive as “microaggressions”? Do you need to subvert logical arguments and criticism from opponents in order to emphasize your subjective experience, shutting down any form of debate? Well look no further! I, Mirder O. Crows, come here to tell…
Dangerous Daytona 500 Crash
By Dillon O’Toole I am a lifelong NASCAR fan, so naturally I was excited for the Daytona 500, the first non-exhibition race since the 2019 season finale in November. The race was scheduled for Sunday, February 16th, but was postponed to Monday the 17th when rain forced the event to be delayed after 20 laps had been completed. The race was resumed at 4 PM on Monday and was a good race overall. With the…
SA Endorsements
By Our Staff Ladies and gentlemen, it’s SA election season. That annoying time of year when you’re bombarded with flyers and social media posts about candidates you know nothing about, who are running for positions you know nothing about. Six SA Executive Board positions are up for election, and to make matters even more confusing for the vast majority of students that do not give a shit, all six positions contain the word “President” in…
Mass Shootings Banned
By Harley Stinger In a courageous move last Wednesday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi decided enough is enough and signed an executive order banning mass shootings nationwide. Speaker Pelosi has been fighting to end mass shooting for years but she finally said, “fine, I’ll do it myself” and snapped, just like Thanos with the infinity stones, initiating the ban. Upon hearing of the ban, many future mass shooters were outraged. “I thought this was a free…
The Dangers of Mob Mentality
By Joe Badalamenti It’s been over four months since the spike in political tensions on campus here at Binghamton University. In November, a mob of students led a coordinated protest against a table of College Republicans and TPUSA members. Several days later this group took over a planned speaking event hosted by College Republicans in which famous economist Arthur Laffer was planned to speak about economic theory and how tariffs would affect American workers. While…
In Defense of The Spiedie
By Jacob Klieger Upstate New York cuisine is not known for its health benefits. In fact, most of these local delicacies seem to be engineered for consumption while deep in a drunken stupor. Rochester’s Garbage Plate – an amalgamation of your choice of meats, sauces, and sides – is the awe-inspiring pinnacle of drunk food. Buffalo’s wing has reached international status. When done correctly, the Frank’s Red Hot combines with the buttery chicken to create…
Existence
By Anju Anand I was never one to think, I just existed. Because existence is hard enough as it is. What with all the requirements for getting through a day. One needed nourishment, one needed sleep, one needed companionship, one needed protection for when one’s own mind is lulled to slumber, and one needed purpose. For why should one bother living another second otherwise? Whoever designed the system seemed to have thought well ahead to…
The Rise and fall of Andrew Yang
By Joe Badalamenti On Tuesday February 11th, presidential candidate Andrew Yang announced that he would suspend his presidential campaign. Despite a loyal base of #YangGang supporters, Yang’s campaign was ultimately finished by low poll numbers and a lack of votes in the early Democratic primaries. So how did a candidate with such a loyal base of supporters fail to perform come election time? Well, the reality of this situation is that the perception of Yang’s…
Cracking Open a Case of Corona
By Harold Rook Hey, everyone, it’s Harry, and I…huauh…HUUURAGH *splattering*! *Sniff* Damn it, it’s everywhere! Anyway, I’m…huauh…sick as hell…probably the *cough* sickest I’ve been in a long time. And I know exactly what’s wrong with me! I must have contracted *cough* the modern-day Bubonic Plague. Of course, I’m talking about *sniff* the terror, the microbial grim reaper, a killer so terrifying it has gripped the world with fear! It’s the…huauh…coronavirus…HUUURAGH *splattering*! Ugh, not the keyboard!…
Conservatives Should Support Over-the-Counter Birth Control
By Tommy Gagliano On June 7th, 2019, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Representative for New York’s 14th congressional district, expressed an opinion about birth control in the form of a tweet. “Psst!” she tweeted, following it with a shouting emoji, “Birth control should be over-the-counter, pass it on.” The tweet garnered over 77 thousand retweets, and over 335 thousand likes. While her follow up tweet that “It should be free, too – like in the UK!” may be…
Shat: America’s Horniest Musical Masterpiece
By Ben Dover It’s February, and with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching you decided to head to the Binghamton Review Sex Issue for all the tips and tricks to make it memorable for you and that special someone. Good choice, because who better to get advice from than the best student-run newspaper on campus? So you’re with your partner and you’ve successfully given your roommate the boot. Nice job. Things start happening, yada yada yada, and…
VOLCEL
By Musclini *Warning: Guys Only Past This Point* I, the great Musclini, despite having a perfect immune system, have fallen ill. Because of this, my typical 300 IQ takes have been reduced to about 150, and my masterful creative writing style has been reduced to that of a mere English professor. But alas, I cannot sit here and be silent while Binghamton Review releases an issue promoting mental disease and impurity, so here we go.…
No E-Girls
By Joe Badalamenti While I usually don’t write about cultural issues, for the sake of the “sex issue” I’ve decided to make an exception. When looking back on the last year since the previous sex issue you could see that there’s much to talk about, from debate about banning porn to recent scandalous Super Bowl performances. However there was one thing that stuck out to me recently, and that’s e-girls. Yeah that’s right, the rest…
THIS ONE SIMPLE TRICK CAN ADD SIX INCHES! READ HERE!
By Harold Rook It’s Valentine’s Day everyone, and that means that there is love in the air! It’s the time of the year where couples get cute gifts for each other, ceremoniously demonstrating their commitment to one another. Ah, such a beautiful time…for couples. But for the remainder of us, it’s an exasperating, almost obnoxious reminder that we are single, meaning another normal day with extra hearts and roses. For the lucky guy or gal…