By Matt Gagliano What’s up gamers. Normally I would punctuate that sentence with an exclamation point, however this time, that “what’s up gamers” is somewhat somber. You see, I am graduating in a few weeks, and this will be my last article as a member of Binghamton Review and as a student of Binghamton University. As the editor-in-chief, I feel like I should follow in the footsteps of the previous editors and write a reflection…
The College Experience: My Two Cents
By Joe Badalamenti It’s finally over. At time of writing, I am less than four weeks from graduation, the culmination of four years of college life. Now that I’ve reached this stage, I can finally write my obligatory graduation advice article. Not to brag but most advice found in advice articles tends to be either painfully obvious (not that the advice presented here isn’t obvious) or revolve around the meaning of a vague at best,…
Insecurity: is there a cure?
By Madeline Perez I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you, reader, have an insecurity. Maybe you think you’re ugly, or maybe unlovable; possibly even sexually dysfunctional. Why not all three! Everyone is insecure about something unless they’re not smart enough to know how to doubt themselves, like toddlers. Actually, do toddlers have insecurities? I’m not sure on that one, so don’t quote me on anything. Anyway, it’s my belief…
Why the Weather Sucks
By Dillon O’Toole I was originally intending to close out this semester with another article that tells you what new music I have been listening to lately, cleverly disguised as an article claiming to be about the best music released in 2022. Instead, it has come to my attention that a more pressing matter is in need of broader attention, one which affects the entire population of Binghamton University and the rest of Broome County. …
Cultural Degeneration and the Fall of American Cinema
By Gunga Din The Anglosphere, in particular the United States, has for years lagged behind their European counterparts in art and culture. Besides several exceptions, including the works of Shakespeare and the artist William Hogarth, England fell behind several centuries of Continental operas, artwork, and paintings, otherwise known as high culture. In the 1920s, however, the United States began to dominate the film industry with Hollywood. Although the U.S. did not successfully enter European Continental…
Publication Report Card
By Our Staff With the spring semester coming to a close, it’s time to look back on the work of Binghamton’s college publications and grade them accordingly. Pipe Dream: C Within this year, we saw, for better or worse, Pipe Dream return to printing physical issues. Unfortunately, their stacks are always full because (you know the lines). In terms of content, it’s been more of the same: boring “news articles” and cringy opinion articles competing…
Next Year’s E-Board
By Our Staff Arthur: Arthur “A-Dog” O’Sullivan is a sophomore Biology/Classics double major. He enjoys writing articles on center-right politics, art, and holiday-themed fiction. He needs a girlfriend. Madeline: Howdy, faithful Bing Review readers! I, Madeline Perez, am back for yet another wildly successful year on the E-board. While it was a great honor being Managing Editor, in order to fulfill my lifelong dream of running a dictatorship, I knew I had to brutally murder…
Top 5 reasons we need to ban sex
By Madeline Perez Let me set the scene: you’re enjoying a nice movie in a crowded theater, shoveling popcorn into your mouth with such intensity you frighten even yourself. The perky, lovable protagonist has finally cornered the target of their romantic interest into some sort of bedroom. They’re kissing. Yeah, sounds about right. They’re taking off their clothes. Hmm, ok. Don’t see what that has to do with anything. Suddenly, faster than a speeding bullet,…
The Seed Oil Hypothesis
Joe Badalamenti One of the benefits of the decentralization of the internet is that people can and will discuss topics outside of the 3 to 5 current trendy events. While browsing the World Wide Web to pass the time, I came across something that can change the way everyone thinks about nutrition: the seed oil hypothesis. This hypothesis describes the harmful effects of commonly-used vegetable oils. While nutritional chemistry and human physiology are very complex…
Marx Was Right
By Patrick McAuliffe You may ask yourself, “But homie, the satire issue was last issue! What gives?” You’d be right, homie, but I’ve come to realize that you whippersnappers are truly and deeply sheltered, for the most part. I don’t pretend to clairvoyantly know where you come from or where you’re going, but after a while in the corporate world (where most of you will probably be going), you may feel the same exasperations that…
How to become a sigma male
By Chad Largepenis What up bros, this is Chad Largepenis signing in. Ever wondered what it’s like to have it all, to win at life, to be loved by men and feared by women? Worry not, because I have come to show you the way of the Sigma grind-set. Using this mindset, I earn 7 figures a day, have 3 weed-smoking gfs, all while maintaining a 6.9 GPA majoring in Sigma sciences with a minor…
Tom Bombadil: Tolkien and Conservative Environmentalism
By Arthur O’Sullivan Rejoice! For spring is supposedly upon us, dear reader! In principle, the weather should be warming and the flowers should be blooming. After a harsh winter, our climate should be fairer. But my friend, we’re at Binghamton University (a premier public ivy, you know). Here a warm, sunny day is as rare as a bad article in Binghamton Review. Speaking of which, I had intended to cover Ketanji Brown Jackson’s confirmation to…
Disney College Program: Is It Worth It?
Tommy Gagliano Hello there, college student. Are you tired of taking boring, meaningless classes at a state university that you didn’t want to attend in the first place? Want to escape the shitty weather, seasonal depression, and crackheads for a semester? What if I told you that you can earn college credits—and get paid—to do an internship at Walt Disney World? What if I also told you that you get free admission to all Disney…
CON Job: The Government and Healthcare
By Shayne O’Loughlin In March 2020, with the COVID-19 pandemic spreading across the United States, hospitals attempted to prepare the necessary medical equipment to relieve the stress generated by the swelling number of in-patients. They had a massive problem, however. Standing in the way of large shipments of hospital beds and ventilators were nearly three dozen state governments and a federal district, all with laws made to destroy fair competition in healthcare. To understand the…
The Um, Akshuallys of Ukraine
By Xanax Anaximander Felicitations, fellow felosofers, it is me, the sophisticated sophist Xanax Anaximander of Anaximander et nil., 2021, fame; since i proved in Anaximander et nil., 2021, that I’m Right and Your’e Wrong (Anaximander et nil., 2021), much has happened in my academic career—after the bigot Sean Harrigan personally took it upon themself (I do not know their gender for sure, hence my use of the plural singular they, in order to counteract the…