By Our Staff Pro: The porcelain throne is no throne, but in fact an electric chair, and we are all its victims. What Big Toilet has been espousing since the beginning of modern plumbing has been a disaster for the human race. Why, you ask? We have been convinced that the at-least 330 million toilets in the homes of the American public (one for every person) are “necessary” and “sanitary.” But let’s be honest: the…
Godzilla vs. Megalon: A Cinematic Masterpiece
By Logan Blakeslee On March 17, 1973, Japanese film audiences had the opportunity to experience a true tour de force that forever revolutionized special effects, artistic cinema, and storytelling itself. 50 years later, it stands as an underappreciated gem, a cult classic that only gets better over time. For the uninitiated, it’s a cheap blockbuster intended for children and their parents. For the enlightened, Godzilla vs. Megalon is peak kino. The characters are inspirational, the…
The Ritz Incident
By Naoto Shercock, P.I. There’s a storm brewing underneath the university campus. There, nearly 45 square miles of catacombs sprawl, are now forgotten to the dust and snow. Some say it was built there in the late 60s right around when the summer of love became the winter of revolution. When the great famine shook Vestal to its core, and when the Campus Communists made their greatest attacks on the establishment. This sort of thing…
Former Presidents Make Peace Through Gaming?
By Daniel Guido Something extraordinary has happened: As Winter finally subsides and the dawn of Spring is upon us, so dawns the beginning of a new age in America. It appears as though peace has finally been brought to the American political arena. The big players in the American political scene, including former presidents and political commentators, have put away their petty squabbles and bickering to instead cooperate in a more reasonable manner. President Joe…
Who Wrote It: An Overworked AI, or Foucault?
By FoucaultFan46 How’s it hanging, pops? Anyone else need a cold shower after that sex issue? Euuuugh. Why we as a society socially constructed this social construct of slamming our moist meatlets together as some sort of ultimate desideratum is beyond me. I tell you, any pleasure gained from it is countervailed by the realization that you could be doing literally anything else and it would be infinitely more wholesome, like heroin. Speaking of social…
The Walls are Closing In
By Madeline Perez “Making your way in the world today takes everything you got,” or so says the hit theme from the ‘80s sitcom “Cheers.” This statement rings true for many, and probably goes double for you starving, broke college students. But I’m here to ask: Does it? Does making your way (in the world today) truly “take everything you [sic] got?” And what happens if you’ve given “everything you got” and, due to isolative…
I’m Running for S.A. President to Abolish Parking Services
By Logan Blakeslee Binghamton University Parking Services sits somewhere at the intersection of greed and incompetence. Besides Sodexo, there is no presence on campus that is more universally reviled than Parking Services, and for good reason. Its policies have become more draconian over time and are deliberately designed to extract as much money from students as possible. I decided that enough was enough after hearing several dozen stories about unfair ticketing or the absurd inconsistencies…
An Interview with Logan Blakeslee, SA Presidential Hopeful
By Arthur O’Sullivan If you thought election season was over, think again! In November, we voted for a bunch of politicians in far away places. This coming Sunday, we’ll be voting for our Student Association members. Unlike high school, this student government has the opportunity to influence campus life for everyone: cutting or increasing student costs, aiding or protesting administrative abuses, fighting for or against student interests. It all depends on who gets elected. To…
The Case For Linguistic Universalism
By Shayne O’Loughlin Within translation theory there exists sources of constant debate among scholars in just how we ought to translate works between languages. Among these debates are those between “linguistic universalism” and “linguistic relativism,” and their respective 20th century proponents Noam Chomsky and the dynamic duo of Edward Sapir and Benjamin Whorf. To summarize into horribly dubious simplicity, linguistic universalism posits that all concepts are translatable, whereas linguistic relativism posits that language impacts the…
The Asian-American Schooling Experience
By: Midas Leung When I was growing up, my parents decided that it would be in their best interest to speak Cantonese the whole time to their kid, that being me, his entire childhood. Luckily, it would not have any long-lasting effects. But, in the short term, the kid was socially inept and unable to communicate nor speak outside of short phrases. Being different from everyone else was not really an issue: I always managed…
I Fell in Love with a SEX ROBOT??? (clickbait)
By Madeline Perez The year was 2016. As I found myself preoccupied with schoolbooks and the weight of being a misunderstood hot-topic-themed teen genius, my friends were also preoccupied with what I would call lesser trivialities—namely, a new mobile game called Mystic Messenger. Yes, the very one and same South Korean dating simulation game. Opting to take one last shot at conformity, I was peer pressured into downloading it, and for the next few weeks…
The Demographic Crisis of Monster Musume
By Edward Lamarck Valentine’s Day is celebrated primarily by those with a romantic partner. For the lonesome few left behind this season, some comfort can be found in the genre of harem anime, a staple of modern Japanese television. From High School DxD to the more infamous School Days, the tropes are generally the same: an average-looking young Japanese male suddenly finds himself at the center of a harem with beautiful (sometimes magical) women all…
To Cum, or Not to Cum
By Sean Harrigan That is the question. If Shakespeare were here himself, he most likely would point to his Christian beliefs for the answer to this question, and answer “not to cum” with his raised, sticky right hand. Typical Christian. I would agree with Shakespeare if he answered in such a way. The main defense I would argue involves the biochemical process within one’s brain, occurring from released catecholamines, the most famous of which being…
Who Gets the Rose?
By M. Steck It’s Valentine’s day. You’re a flower salesman, circling restaurants and wheedling men into buying roses for their female companions..but that table..they’re both men..how can that be?? Of course, Valentine’s day is a celebration of open, joyful love. But when you aren’t allowed to be open or joyful about your love, what is Valentine’s Day? I spoke with Michael Sabatino, Robert Voorhees, and Brad Crownover to supplement this piece with some personal accounts.…
The Moby Dick Experience
By: John M. Moby Dick, it’s the American Epic: a 600+ page monster considered one of the greatest works of our young nation’s literature. Last year, I spotted the leviathan lurking in the depths of my American Romanticism syllabus, and “proud as Lucifer,” I committed myself to reading it (mostly so that I might brag about the conquest to reinforce my fragile egoistic identity, but this is beside the point). In my near infinite wisdom…