By Matt Gagliano Hey, you! Yeah, you; the submissive-looking one reading this. Are you lonely? (This question is rhetorical, of course, as you are reading Binghamton Review.) Do you want something to get the blood pumping this Valentine’s Day (specifically in the penile region)? Well, look no further. I, Matt Gagliano, known sex-haver and “love” “expert,” am here to provide you with a very simple three-step guide that’s GUARANTEED to get you laid on February…
Creationism in America: Faith turned Fanatical
By Logan Blakeslee I have a confession to make: I am obsessed with Young Earth Creationism. It all started in late June 2018, when I met Baptist preacher and repeat criminal Kent Hovind at a Christian summer camp here in Broome County. The event changed the way I thought about science, evolution, and religion, but not in the way you might expect. Before I get ahead of myself, let me divulge a bit more about…
The Fault in our Sequels
By Madeline Perez We are living in a dystopian nightmare. This is not up for debate. What is up for debate, however, is what exactly makes this tormented hellscape we call ‘slice of life’ so dystopian. Some of the politically minded may think it’s the libs, with their social medias and their genders; others, the rightists, with their Columbus Day and gas stoves. I’m proud to say that it is neither and that I am…
I Am Oak. I Am Acorn.
I Am-Oak I am old and strong I wonder when I’ll fall I hear so many lives in progress I see the people living them I want to stretch my arms out to them I am old and strong I pretend I’m a statue I feel children climbing I touch the clouds I worry I won’t make it until spring I cry as it rains I am old and strong I understand others will take…
Accounts from a Gen Z Male in 2028 – Part III
By Anonoomer Our hero faces his greatest struggle yet: surrounded in his unit’s Ukrainian bunker by a battalion of Russian zoomers, and constantly being stalked by a supernatural animatronic wolf, he must battle in his very body and soul against starvation and despair. For real… Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick… … … Tock. Like maddening drips of water from a Chinese torture instrument upon my brow, the barricaded mess hall’s clock inconsistently ticked…
TDS: Types I and II
By Arthur O’Sullivan Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS for short) can be broadly defined as an acute hysterical reaction—be it psychological, physical, or even spiritual—to the words, actions, presidency, and existence of the former president Donald J. Trump. This phenomenon is not necessarily unique to the Orange Man: presidential derangement syndromes have been diagnosed as far back as the Elizabethan era of 2003, when the late psychiatrist and neoconservative pundit Charles Krauthammer coined the term “Bush…
An AI Totally Didn’t Write This
Once upon a time, the board of the Binghamton Review magazine was in a heated debate over the contents of their next issue. Madeline, the editor in chief, wanted to feature articles on the benefits of universal healthcare and the importance of intersectionality. Dillon, the managing editor, was all for it, but only when he had his beard. Without it, he became a completely different person, who was all for cutting government spending and reducing…
AI, the Scourge of Humanity?
By Joe Badalamenti In the past century, technological advancement has been growing at an exponential rate. Artificial Intelligence (or AI), a specific application of computing technology, has been developed to complete increasingly complex tasks: DallE has the ability to generate unique and detailed paintings; ChatGPT has the ability to create essays, code slices, and other complex compositions, all the while newer, more advanced AI programs are being developed each day. Will Artificial Intelligence programs reach…
The Passion of the Spring Admit
By Midas Leung I am lucky to have my family: my brothers, my sister, my mother, and late father. I have always seen them as a priority in my life and I will continue to do so, but it is starting to feel like a moral obligation rather than a familial love. I cried more when I left my friends than when my mom first dropped me off at a college. Matter of fact, I…
New Year, New me.
By M. Quinn In 2023 I am going to be unrecognizable. Clean break. Here’s my plan. 1. I am going to sleep in the gym so that my body learns how to work out for eight hours at a time. In two weeks, I’ll be able to lift 500 pounds without breaking a sweat. I hate the legs that carried me through last year. The clock struck midnight, which means it’s time to exercise more. …