By Matthew Rosen Ok this has to be a joke right? There is no way Attorney General William Barr’s letter is accurate. For anyone who doesn’t know, Special Counsel Bob Mueller ended the investigation into 45’s collusion with Putin. According to William Barr (45’s new Attorney General), Mueller has NOT found evidence of Russian collusion or Obstruction of Justice! Guys (or girls, or other pronouns… because I don’t want to assume your pronouns of course),…
Why the Bing Butt is Conservative and Therefore Epic
By Josephi Krakowski As I pulled open Facebook to view the most recent Breitbart post about why Trump is my dad, I came across a post by the Bing Butt. As I was unaware of the Bing Butt and assuming that this was another attempt by Binghamton University to convince people to quit smoking, I decided to look into it. After all, my Juuling and chewing have been adding up to be a costly habit.…
Why Luigi is Better Than Mario
By Matthew Rosen Despite the fact that I love politics, even I have to admit that it gets exhausting every once in awhile. Because of that, I decided to write a non-political article that everyone can be interested in. On top of that, we all could use non-stressful articles during finals. I, of course, will continue to write political articles, but the idea of more relaxing themes like this seems fun. Recently, I saw a…
Six Epic Halloween Costumes
By Our Staff It’s the time of year where crazy drunk college kids can lose themselves in the garb of someone else (and not just for your crossdressing folks, either.) If you’re out of ideas for this year’s spooktacular evening of tricks and treats, not to worry! Your friends at Binghamton Review have you covered with ideas that are sure to make you stand out at your Halloween party. Keep on reading and choose your…
Summer Camp Lessons
By Tommy Gagliano I have been working at a summer day camp on Long Island for the past three summers. The pay is awful, parents don’t tip enough (if they tip at all), the kids are annoying, there are bugs everywhere, we’re often short-staffed, and I love every minute of it. I’m probably the only college student ever that hates having to leave their job to came back up to school at the end of…
The ABCs of Binghamton! – 2018
To make you feel right at home here in Binghamton, we’ve compiled a list of things from A to Z that make our school the greatest! Or, at least, certainly unique. Take a look! Administration: It’s certainly there. A million grinning Harveys can’t warm my icy heart when I see all of the construction, much of it seemingly unneeded. Binghamton Review: BU’s Last Refuge of Scholars. After 30 years we’re still kicking and providing the…
A Trade War’s Economic Benefits
By Emma Ryan In only a matter of days, what appears to be the beginning of a trade war between the United States and China has commenced. It all started earlier this year when tariffs on Chinese steel and aluminum were levied. At the beginning of April, the Chinese government introduced tariffs on $3 billion worth of US imports in direct response to the steel and aluminum tariffs. Then, Trump announced new tariffs on over…
The Evils of Cis-White-Male America
By Matthew Rosen After months of hard thinking, I have finally decided that I wish to be identified as two-spirit! If you wish to talk to me as of today, you must refer to me by my new pronouns, “zoodle and zop.” If you do not wish to use those pronouns, not only will I refuse to speak with you, but you have just exposed yourself as a sexist, transphobic, genderist, and probably a racist.…
Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Communism
By Comrade Conrad I seek answers to life’s biggest economic and social questions. How will we as humans achieve post-scarcity? How can the lowly worker finally be free from oppression and exploitation? How can our LGBTQIAARP+ comrades finally find the love and acceptance they so desperately seek? How can we extend our reach to the stars above? One simple phrase gives me hope for the future: fully automated luxury gay space communism. Let’s break it…
Deer Lord, Praise Be Unto Him
By Patrick “The Ecosexual” McAuliffe President Stenger’s “20 by 2020” plan describes more than just his hopes for the even-numbered size of the student body. It will also be the estimated population of the deer that make their nightly trek as far as Vestal Parkway every night, flooding out of the Nature Preserve in beautiful droves. Their culling, which some (including the Binghamton Review fascists) claim as necessary to saving the Preserve, would be an…
Problematic Social Constructs
By Samson Audino Searching around the internet, I see such hate speech being spewed all the time. It’s simply not enough to accept gay people into your inner circle and think that makes you progressive and forward-thinking enough. Oh, you’re Republican and friends with a cis white male who happens to be gay? I don’t care. You support oppressive capitalist structures in our society, built by the patriarchy over the course of thousands of years.…
Government is Evil and Racist, and It Should Control the Economy
By Comrade Casey Every day, I check my iPhone and read about another racist, disgusting atrocity the government has committed. Corrupt cops target disadvantaged groups with reckless abandon. Our hapless, useless mayors and legislators stand idly by, catering to special interests instead of their constituents. Of course, these horrible police and politicians are the same people who should have complete control over the economy. As Commissar of Binghamton College Communists, I will unflinchingly advocate for…
Abortion is a Basic Human Right
By Tommy Gagliano I’ve been doing some thinking after reading the email sent out by the SA on March 13th. It made me realize that there is nothing more important than feelings. It’s also made me realize that womyn, people of color, and LGBTQAAIP2SSLMNOP?@#厶戈月8=D~+ individuals are oppressed by our patriarchal, heteronormative, white supremacist society, and I (as a straight white male) need to become an ally and cater to their every whim. There are so…
Cannibaliberalism
by Patrick McAuliffe A while back I did a little miniseries about the various hypocrisies on both sides of the “bourgeois political spectrum” (as our labor comrades like to call them). Personally, I enjoyed the “Hypocri-city” pun, but I’m very distraught to see that neither Republicans or Democrats have changed their tune about their basic philosophies. Democrats especially have doubled down on destroying themselves from the inside out with constant shows of being the most…
If You Say “Happy Holidays”, You’re a Bigot
By Tommy Gagliano It is now December, and that means the most problematic time of the year is upon us. Everything turns red and green, Christmas songs dominate the radio, and everyone assaults each other in an attempt to get the last Nintendo Switch at Walmart as the world’s largest display of Christian privilege approaches. Thankfully, the highly offensive and exclusionary phrase “Merry Christmas” has been discarded, at least by most retailers. The phrase that…