By: Midas Leung If you ever watch the news between elections or when a politician is getting bashed, one of the main statistics they bring up is the number of jobs available to the population. Although the amount of jobs has been increasing, we see that most are being given to those who don’t necessarily have degrees but rather people who have connections. Just before COVID, I didn’t know what to do with my life,…
My Life as a Sigma Female
By Jeffthekillerlover37 I would like to state that this is 100% serious. It is not satire. You might read this and think, “Ha, what a funny and clever way to own the evil, anti-life feminists,” or whatever the hell would go through your smooth little red-pilled mind while reading an article of this nature, and I want you to know that, from the bottom of my heart, I am not joking. I am a wolf.…
Madeline wrote a creepypasta while jon was at the jail
By our staff THE BEARCAT’S PAW It was a dark, evil night. Really just the average weather in Binghamton, but this night was particularly the evilest and darkest night we had seen in a while. Another Binghamton Review meeting was coming to a close. We had just designed the funniest and most perfect magazine issue the world had ever seen when we were interrupted by a strange knock at the door. Who could it be?…
Horrors of Binghamton Dining
By Midas Leung Here in Binghamton, we all have our own favorite dining spots, or you just make food at home. You would think that food safety would be the number one priority, but one of my friends says otherwise. One day after a grueling set of classes, my friend decided that he was hungry and went to eat at CIW. He grabbed the most appetizing item to him, in this case a burger, but…
Accounts from a Gen Z Male in 2028 – Part II – Special Halloween Edition – Delightful Frights (Defrights) Inside – Or – A Gen Z Soldier’s Halloween 2028
By Anon E. Mus Our heroes’ struggle continues in the Sixth Coalition War for Ukraine. After patrolling the Ukraine-Russia-Jeb! border for several hours the squad returns to their base-bunker for their rations and recreation. Little do they know of the Halloween horrors that await them on this night… 6:04 P.M. EEST I like to think of myself as a fairly strong man. I passed all of my physical exams when I joined the army. I…
Reading is Fundamentally Ill
By Madeline Perez Let me be clear. I am NOT like other girls. I don’t spend my time applying make-up and being conventionally attractive. I don’t own a hairdryer, can’t do dishes, and am able to read an analog clock. Every day, I throw my humble brunette locks into a messy bun and put on clothes that leave everything to the imagination until I am nothing more than an idea. I am cynical and satirical…
Yik Yak – The Hidden UnderBelly of BU
By Midas Leung If you have ever had a social media account, you would know that anonymity is diametrically opposed to growing your following. Despite this, increasingly more people are opting to stay anonymous for the added benefit of staying unaccountable for the stupidity they post. Enter: Yikyak, basically the 4chan for BU students. Many students use this as a place to vent and release their edgy demons when it comes to campus life. Despite…
Marijuana Inflation at Binghamton University
By Siddharth Gundapenini In the United States, inflation accounting serves an ever more important role. The Bureau of Labor Statistics, Bureau of Economic Analysis, and numerous private firms all calculate different measures of inflation, all with the same general purpose of allowing macroeconomic researchers to understand how much prices are rising, what specific goods/services are gaining popularity, and where these changes are taking place. Unfortunately, this analysis remains confined to goods and services sold legally.…
The (Punch)Line
By Joe Badalamenti If you’re a student, or just recently graduated without a job lined up, summertime can be very boring. (That is if you don’t have any classes, work, or anything better to do.) During these times, one of my favorite pastimes is to surf the internet for anything interesting. One of the things I found was so absurd that I just couldn’t ignore it. As college students, I’m sure you’ve heard of breaking…
Accounts from a Gen Z Male in 2028 – Part I
By Anonymous The year is 2028. The Sixth Coalition War for Ukraine has begun. The threat of nuclear annihilation has been nullified by the New Strategic Defense Initiative (a.k.a. the “Star Wars sequels”). A network of satellites detect and destroy any ICBM five seconds after launch, allowing NATO and League of Nations II forces to intervene. A company of American forces now guard the Ukraine-Russia-Jeb! border from their bunker. A recent conscript recounts his last…
ABCs of Binghamton 2022
Advice Column: Do you need help with your problems? Well you’re in luck because we won’t provide any practical solutions. Bitches: What you won’t be getting this semester. COVID: This is most definitely over and we definitely aren’t seeing an uprise in cases already. I sure love to not hear professors complain about it over and over and over and over and over. Dunkin’: Every afternoon, a wriggling, writhing mass of humanity manifests to block…
Top 5 reasons we need to ban sex
By Madeline Perez Let me set the scene: you’re enjoying a nice movie in a crowded theater, shoveling popcorn into your mouth with such intensity you frighten even yourself. The perky, lovable protagonist has finally cornered the target of their romantic interest into some sort of bedroom. They’re kissing. Yeah, sounds about right. They’re taking off their clothes. Hmm, ok. Don’t see what that has to do with anything. Suddenly, faster than a speeding bullet,…
How to become a sigma male
By Chad Largepenis What up bros, this is Chad Largepenis signing in. Ever wondered what it’s like to have it all, to win at life, to be loved by men and feared by women? Worry not, because I have come to show you the way of the Sigma grind-set. Using this mindset, I earn 7 figures a day, have 3 weed-smoking gfs, all while maintaining a 6.9 GPA majoring in Sigma sciences with a minor…
The Um, Akshuallys of Ukraine
By Xanax Anaximander Felicitations, fellow felosofers, it is me, the sophisticated sophist Xanax Anaximander of Anaximander et nil., 2021, fame; since i proved in Anaximander et nil., 2021, that I’m Right and Your’e Wrong (Anaximander et nil., 2021), much has happened in my academic career—after the bigot Sean Harrigan personally took it upon themself (I do not know their gender for sure, hence my use of the plural singular they, in order to counteract the…
Sad Tire
by Leftus Turnus It’s that time of year again, the time of year when we all remind ourselves of all those sad, abused tires. Typically, these reminders come about while watching TV, when those black and white commercials show tires being beaten, abused, and not properly maintained by their owners while some famous celebrity tries to guilt you out of your hard-earned money over a sad backing track. Man, I hate those commercials, like why…