By Edward Lamarck All over the world, there are myths and legends of strange beasts lurking in places that science has yet to explore. In the Pacific Northwest, there is Bigfoot. On the Texas border, there is the Chupacabra. West Virginia has the fearsome Mothman, and even upstate New York has the infamous Champlain lake monster. A belief in cryptids is almost as old as mankind’s fear of the dark. That fear is entirely justified. …
How to Have the Safest Halloween possible
By Matt Gagliano BOO! Haha, I got you, didn’t I? Bet you nearly shit your pants on that one. If you did shit your pants, that’s kinda gross, try and have better bowel control in the future. Why don’t you go take a moment to clean up, this article will still be here when you get back. *Stares at watch while repeatedly tapping foot on the floor* All cleaned up? Good. Anyway, I don’t know…
Halloween is a Red Scare
Dream by Barbara Zavala You may think of Halloween as a capitalist holiday. People need to buy costumes, buy candy, and these purchases feed into an endless cycle of consumption. It’s a for-profit holiday just like any other, and if you think you can have ethical consumption, think again. The costumes are cheap plastic material probably made in sweatshops. The candy is produced in low-wage factories, and the chocolate is probably farmed using child labor.…
Boy, I wish I had a Club Office
By Madeline Perez “This is why only fools are heroes,” Harvey Stenger taunted. He stood atop the Binghamton University Clocktower as I started to climb. In one hand, he held a wire suspending a dark green campus shuttle. In the other, he held our Bing Review EIC, Matt Gagliano, aloft by his neck. His mechanical, green, goblin-like suit gave him superhuman strength and augmented his evil nature. The night breeze tossed my little gay windbreaker…
Do You Want a New Hobby? Check This Out!
By nitrodude359 Are you often bored? Do you want to go outside more? Well, this hobby is for you! It’s Nitro cars; remote controlled (RC) cars that are powered by a tiny engine (usually between a 0.12 to a 0.18 cubic inches). These engines are very powerful and efficient for their size, and can make your RC cars go up to 65 miles per hour! Sadly, for the last few years electric RCs have been…
Isn’t it Ironic?
By Matt Gagliano We all know the 1996 hit song “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette. Well, all of us that matter anyway. While I will die on the hill that that song is an absolute bop, that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. There has been something about this song that has bothered me ever since I was a kid, and that’s the fact that none of the things mentioned in the song are…
This Loose Article is not Permitted at Six Flags
Binghamton Review is back! Did you miss us? Admit it, you missed us. I guess I should start off this article by saying welcome back; hopefully this semester is the start of things returning back to normal. Although, they’re still making us wear masks indoors, so maybe not. Either way, I’m getting off topic. You would think that now that I’m Editor-in-Chief, I would go on fewer tangents and write about more serious topics. Jokes…
The Cuomo Chronicles: The Witch is Dead!
By Patrick McAuliffe I pen this article on the night of Governor Andrew Cuomo’s last day of public office for the rest of his miserable life. State Attorney General Letitia James has concluded her investigation into Big Fredo’s sexual harassment allegations and has found him guilty of assaulting and accosting eleven women from his administration over several decades. I can’t quite explain the joy I feel now that his career is essentially over and his…
Where DO babies come from?
By Madeline Perez I look around and I see ignorance. I look inside myself and I see nothing greater. We are all ignorant of something and I do not claim to know all. The truth remains that the masses are riddled with great holes. Holes in their knowledge. Holes in their hearts. Holes in their ass. Lies perpetrated by the powers that be would lead you to believe that some of you DO, in fact,…
Top 5 Most Dangerously Incel Movies
By Madeline Perez Inside of me, there are two wolves. One is very passionate about movies and film analysis and wants to talk about it. The other doesn’t want to come off as a pretentious asshole. Every day they have epic battles in which there is no winner and they will go on fighting, forever and ever, until the end of time. Like the conflict in the Middle East, this battle between my two selves…
How to speedrun life
By Matt Gagliano This article is about how to speedrun life…and time! Hell yeah, that’s a new personal best: 3 seconds on my “writing an introduction for a Binghamton Review article” speedrun. As you can probably tell, I’ve been getting into speedruns lately. While I’m not good enough to actually speedrun any games myself, I still find it very entertaining to watch others effortlessly fly through a game in ways that don’t even seem possible.…
The Hinman/CIW Proletariat Manifesto
By Sara Traynor and Madeline Perez Five students went missing after meeting with Harvey Stenger and other Binghamton administrative forces over the past three weeks. Three were from Hinman, two from CIW. After an (honestly half-assed) investigation conducted by UPD, their bodies were discovered in a shiny new Mountainview suite, their body parts stuffed and placed in glass cases as trophies. No, this story isn’t real. But you believed it for a second, didn’t you? …
Let’s Tik-Talk about TikTok
By Not Matt Gagliano Anyone who knows me knows that there is nothing I love more than social media. Any free time I may have I always spend on my phone, scrolling endlessly through the intelligent and thought-provoking content that exists on all social networking sites. There is quite literally nothing I love more in life than posting every little thing that happens in my life online, and getting validation from a bunch of strangers.…
Old White Men to the Rescue
By Sadtrick McAwful As a verified Twitter user that has my mask on in my profile picture (never too careful!), I, like many of you, have suffered drastic mental and emotional harm over the last four years. Tr*mp’s meteoric rise to sole dictator of the United States gave me full-on panic attacks every time I received a CNN news alert. Orange Man’s administration put children in cages, tried to repeal the Affordable Care Act, and…
The Firearms That Shaped America, Part 3 of 3
By Ron Jestuccia The United States of America is polarized, there are many issues that people disagree about, and insert a third general and obvious statement here. One of those issues that people disagree about is guns. For those that may not know, guns are firearms that shoot things at people or other things. The libtards want to take away the guns, but the chad conservatives know that guns are epic. Guns have been a…