Birds. I used to love birds. Being ignorant and in denial of the truth used to suit me. That is… until I received a message from Kathleen Lu and Nora Hines. I received the message on what I thought would be a run-of-the-mill, lazy Sunday afternoon. I was lying in bed, thinking about doing homework, when my phone buzzed. What I saw would force me to swallow the avian red pill and change my life…
Binghamton Students Bad
By Madeline Perez Hey you! Are you a student who goes to the University of Binghamton? Well, listen up because I’m about to lay down some HARD TRUTHS that some of you just might not be able to handle. The most pressing one is this: Binghamton students as a whole need to learn to simply be better people. Are you struggling with the transition from the in-person educational system you knew and grew up with…
Progressivism is the only way to Achieve Racial equity
Piper Dreamer (They/Them) As we move further into 2021, I realize how many issues of the past still linger. One issue in particular is racial equity and the treatment of marginalized groups. Recently, we have seen many demonstrations of social justice, from the disruption of racists here at Binghamton to the creation of The Revolutionary CHAZ, to even online activism on sites like Twitter and TikTok. These feats have been instrumental in changing the way…
Why I’m Right and Your’e Wrong
By Xanax Anaximander There is no typo on the title above. My executive decision to “incorrectly,” although, inconsequentially, that is, incontrovertibly unconventionally render the word, in this time and place commonly spelled as “you’re” as “your’e,” was the product of my attempt to fundamentally attack the hegemonic assomptions of the overwhelming of the western cis-heteropatriarchy, as well as astablish myslef, that is, I use these terms for the same reason as I will explore in…
Nature Preserve Out, Quarantine Housing In!
By Mirder O. Crows Controversy strikes Binghamton University again, as students are both outraged and elated from the latest announcement made by Vice President of Student Affairs Brian Rose today, on April 1st, 2021. Due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, many students felt dissatisfied with the current university policy in regards to quarantine housing. Students have voiced a plethora of complaints: there is hardly any quarantine housing left, the dining hall for CIW has closed,…
ABCs of Cancellation
Amerikkka: Is there any way to ignore the blatant, systemic oppression of a good portion of the population throughout our country’s history? To make a better America, the entire thing needs to be cancelled and rebuilt. Binghamton Review: For over 30 years the racist, sexist fascists at the Review have been spewing their hateful content at our beloved University. If anyone needs to be cancelled to make this college a safe, welcoming environment, it should…
Boy, I Wish I had a Dining Hall
By Madeline Perez I woke up tied to a chair. “Kinky,” I thought, but now wasn’t the time for that. As my hazy vision started to clear, I recognized the musty atmosphere of what could only be the electrical closet near the Underground Commons. I tugged at the rope that bound my wrists together behind me. Wouldn’t budge. I hadn’t encountered knot-tying this skilled since my altercations with the Boy Scouts of America. While wondering…
The Most Smashable Smash Bros. Character
By Matt Gagliano What’s up gamers! After the amazing reception I received from my last Super Smash Bros. article (and by “amazing reception” I mean one of my friends checking up on me to make sure I didn’t have a stroke while writing it), I decided what better way to kick off the spring semester than with another Super Smash Bros. article? Seeing as this is the Sex Issue of Binghamton Review, this is the…
How to Give Head Like a Pink Haired Girl
By Sara Traynor Love is in the air this Valentine’s season. But after the roses are purchased and the chocolate is eaten, it all comes down to this: can you give head like a pink-haired girl? If you want to up your blowjob game, these five special tips will definitely help. 1). Eye Contact Rule Number One of giving great blowjobs is making eye contact. Men love it when you blankly stare into their eyes…
A Deep Dive Into Dick Jokes
By Madeline Perez When I was in 10th grade, my life was changed forever. While my class was taking a math test, a boy suddenly stood up and made his way to a desk haphazardly placed in the front of the room. Curious. Though we were balls-deep in geometry, a different brand of confusion swept over me and my peers. Moments after sitting down in this new seat, the student broke every societal law and…
Six Reasons Why Slender Man is Sexy as Fuck
By Sara Traynor Have you ever looked at Slender Man and thought, “Wow, that’s the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on, I wish that someone would write a list with 6 reasons detailing exactly why he’s sexy?” If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. If the answer is no, it better only be because you’d prefer an infinite list. Even if you don’t think he’s sexy (which I guess…
Top Halloween Costumes for 2020
By Our Staff NBA Player: Now more affordable than ever! Just buy a generic jersey and slap “Black Lives Matter” on the nameplate and BAM! You could be half of the league. Coronavirus: The perfect costume for frat guys that like entering people’s bodies without consent. Slutty Police Officer: With this trendy costume, both your looks and your knees will make people have to catch their breath! Karen: If you are going to report every…
Dr. Mario: The Ultimate Ultimate Character
By Matt Gagliano What’s up, gamers! It’s a random Thursday, so you know what that means: leaks and rumours for the next DLC character for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate are running rampant again, and all of them are extremely credible. While I’m sure we’re all very excited to see if some well-known, fan favorite characters like Sora or Geno (or even the God himself, Waluigi) gets in, I think we all know who the next…
A Night in Ben Shapiro’s Bedroom
By Sadtrick McAwful She gets home late, at about 9pm. The hot California weather had bore down on her during the commute home; although her doctor’s office had central A/C, her car had warmed in the parking lot like a convection oven. Sighing, she drops her keys in the bowl they keep next to the door. It’s simple, made of ceramic and purchased from a vendor they found in Israel during their wedding. G_d, was…
Bing Review
By Will Anderson In 2009 (the year of our lord) Microsoft rebranded their seminal search engine, Window Live Search, as Bing. David Webster, the marketing strategist at Microsoft, originally proposed the name “Bang” for the search engine, but it was rejected by Microsoft because “Bang” could not be used as a verb for describing the use of a search engine, similar to how people would say “just Google it.” Many were dissatisfied by the idea…