By Our Staff (But mostly Madeline Perez) I’ve always hated that statue. That horrifying Bearcat statue. Nine-hundred pounds of bronze, shaped into an abhorrent freak of nature. Immensely strong, I always had the feeling that it could rip me to shreds without even trying. This creature was not one of God, but one created within the minds of men. Or women- who knows. The twisted grimace and dead eyes would make my skin crawl…
Best Halloween Costumes for 2019
By Our Staff Divest Bing Member This spooky costume takes a little bit of time to prepare. With 6 years of childhood neglect, 12 years of not being bullied enough, two months without a shower, and three hair dye appointments, you will be well on your way to completing your “Divest Bing Member” cosplay. Justin Trudeau First, you are going to want to get some black paint. Like, a LOT of black paint.…
In Memoriam
By Our Staff Last week, the Binghamton Review community lost one of its own. Franklin “Fucktard” Wilson was a freshman cinematography major with hopes of one day working for his favorite film company, Brazzers. He was best known for his article “Jeffrey Epstein Was Definitely Suicided,” which was published in Vol. XXXII, Is. II of Binghamton Review. Franklin was born April 20th, 2001 at Obama’s birthplace in Kenya. At age six he moved to little…
Baxter Accused of Sexual Harassment
By Harley Stinger Last Thursday, Baxter the Bearcat was accused of sexual harassment by an anonymous woman. The woman in question said that Baxter regularly “Bearcat-called” her. Bearcat calling is like cat-calling, but also racist. Baxter, who has not spoken since he caught his parents having sex back in 2004, did not respond to our request for comment. The brave young woman, however, claims that she came forward in hopes of inspiring others, and getting…
51 Things You’ll Find at Area 51
By Our Staff A living, breathing Thanos A cure for asbestos Sand Toothpaste that 10/10 dentists recommend Jeffrey Epstein The fifth Shrek movie The Omnitrix Master Chief’s armor Fix-it ramen The secret to why kids love Cinnamon toast crunch Trump’s real hair Nicholas Cage Nicholas Cage’s cage Cage-free Nicholas Cage The Declaration of Independence (Courtesy of Nicholas Cage) Ricardo Milos Despacito 3 (The Third) An actually good Cardi B song A living, breathing Danny DeVito…
A Crisis of Confidence
By: Brian Murray It is 3:17 pm. Former Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie had just left a meeting with his advisors discussing the future of the new Christie Institute of Public Policy, a non-partisan think tank for aspiring law students who have ambitions of one day holding public office, the expressed goal of which is to bring back a sense of “civility” to modern public discourse. The meeting was cut short because Christie had…
The ABCs of Binghamton – 2019-2020
By Our Staff A – Asbestos – Currently being taken care of in the University Union and ignored in every other building on campus. B – Binghamton Review: BU’s Last Refuge of Scholars; the only publication on campus that’s worth reading. C – College in the Woods: Yes, that is weed you smell. D – Deer: There’s a ton of these beautiful majestic creatures and they love to roam freely on campus. If you’re from…
Yes Doesn’t Mean Yes
By Gemma Wattson Alright men, since the mandatory consent classes at colleges and workplaces aren’t doing enough to teach you all not to rape, I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands. Unfortunately we live in a rape culture that tells men that raping women is a good thing and then sends the victims to prison, and therefore all men have become rapists. It’s time to put an end to that. Get…
The Worst and Best Names
By Liberius Tardium Throughout my time in the 20 years I have been alive, I have seen a lot from the top view of my suburban house where I live. I view myself as a champion of the poor and downtrodden, I once even got my wallet stolen and did not report it to the police as that would only contribute to systematic racism. Besides, my parents just bought me a new wallet with $500…
The State Office Building’s Dark Secrets, Part 3 of 6
By The Urban Exploration Society Standing at a staggering eighteen stories high, the State Office building dominates the Binghamton skyline, making every other structure look like a diminutive testament to smallness. How could any other structure even compete? I’ll tell you how. They don’t. Constructed in the late sixties/early seventies, The State Office Building occupies the space between Binghamton City Hall and the Edwin L. Crawford County Office Building to reflect the unity of each…
Prosperity is Exploitative
By Comrade Pat McCauliffe The local community is the backbone of any society. People bound together by social upbringing and shared values in a small geographic area are the most willing to sacrifice themselves for the good of everyone. At the same time, these communities must set their sights beyond themselves and unite with other communities globally to fight their enemies and preserve their individual rights to not have individual rights. Outsiders merely looking to…
MLK Jr, White Supremacist Scumbag
By Shawn Kinge Martin Luther King Jr. is often considered a hero, and one of the most important figures in securing basic rights for African Americans. He is beloved among the black community, and is even taught about in schools. I demand that this celebration of Rev. King be ceased immediately. The truth is that MLK was an extremely problematic person. He was actually a white supremacist, sent by the KKK to sabotage the black…
Inside the Lesbian and Queer Drug Dealers of Color Leading the Resistance Against Tr*mp in Tampa Bay, FL
By Jessica Charmant-Ortiz All around the country people are uniting to fight against Tr*mp’s sexist, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, Islamophobic, pedophobic, transphobic, and patriarchal regime. From college students to college professors, everyone knows 45 has got to go! But in the sunny streets of Tampa Bay, the Resistance looks a little different. Instead of being spearheaded by the typical group of ANTIFA comrades and their classmates, this opposition to 45’s white male supremacy is led by…
Government-Mandated GF
By Milton “Ko inkei” Gilbert Recently I have noticed something wrong with my dating sim magical girlfriend. Big Booty Goddess (I named her myself) has seemed to be bored with our relationship. I do not know why! I continue to show her my new Fluttershy doll and try to watch Big Bang Theory with her (I love with Sheldor does the Bazinga)! I realize what needs to happen: government involvement in my relationship! Government involvement…
Conservatism, True Punk Rock
By Johnny Ramone Lately, you may have heard a phrase that has become trendy among certain circles. That phrase is something along the lines of, “Conservatism is the new punk rock.” As a huge fan of punk rock myself, I can tell you that this is absolutely 100% true. Think about it. American culture is dominated by a sort of liberal orthodoxy, a direct result of the totally socialist, totally progressive Hollywood propaganda machine and…