By Tommy Gagliano On March 15th, 2020, historian Richard Head made a shocking discovery that will change the course of American politics forever. While analyzing the original draft of the Constitution to find evidence to support his position that government-mandated gamer girl GFs are constitutional, Mr. Head instead found a hidden clause, never before seen by anyone but the Framers themselves. The secret clause is located at the end of the document, after Article VI,…
Dangerous Daytona 500 Crash
By Dillon O’Toole I am a lifelong NASCAR fan, so naturally I was excited for the Daytona 500, the first non-exhibition race since the 2019 season finale in November. The race was scheduled for Sunday, February 16th, but was postponed to Monday the 17th when rain forced the event to be delayed after 20 laps had been completed. The race was resumed at 4 PM on Monday and was a good race overall. With the…
The Dangers of Mob Mentality
By Joe Badalamenti It’s been over four months since the spike in political tensions on campus here at Binghamton University. In November, a mob of students led a coordinated protest against a table of College Republicans and TPUSA members. Several days later this group took over a planned speaking event hosted by College Republicans in which famous economist Arthur Laffer was planned to speak about economic theory and how tariffs would affect American workers. While…
The Rise and fall of Andrew Yang
By Joe Badalamenti On Tuesday February 11th, presidential candidate Andrew Yang announced that he would suspend his presidential campaign. Despite a loyal base of #YangGang supporters, Yang’s campaign was ultimately finished by low poll numbers and a lack of votes in the early Democratic primaries. So how did a candidate with such a loyal base of supporters fail to perform come election time? Well, the reality of this situation is that the perception of Yang’s…
Cracking Open a Case of Corona
By Harold Rook Hey, everyone, it’s Harry, and I…huauh…HUUURAGH *splattering*! *Sniff* Damn it, it’s everywhere! Anyway, I’m…huauh…sick as hell…probably the *cough* sickest I’ve been in a long time. And I know exactly what’s wrong with me! I must have contracted *cough* the modern-day Bubonic Plague. Of course, I’m talking about *sniff* the terror, the microbial grim reaper, a killer so terrifying it has gripped the world with fear! It’s the…huauh…coronavirus…HUUURAGH *splattering*! Ugh, not the keyboard!…
Conservatives Should Support Over-the-Counter Birth Control
By Tommy Gagliano On June 7th, 2019, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Representative for New York’s 14th congressional district, expressed an opinion about birth control in the form of a tweet. “Psst!” she tweeted, following it with a shouting emoji, “Birth control should be over-the-counter, pass it on.” The tweet garnered over 77 thousand retweets, and over 335 thousand likes. While her follow up tweet that “It should be free, too – like in the UK!” may be…
Shat: America’s Horniest Musical Masterpiece
By Ben Dover It’s February, and with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching you decided to head to the Binghamton Review Sex Issue for all the tips and tricks to make it memorable for you and that special someone. Good choice, because who better to get advice from than the best student-run newspaper on campus? So you’re with your partner and you’ve successfully given your roommate the boot. Nice job. Things start happening, yada yada yada, and…
VOLCEL
By Musclini *Warning: Guys Only Past This Point* I, the great Musclini, despite having a perfect immune system, have fallen ill. Because of this, my typical 300 IQ takes have been reduced to about 150, and my masterful creative writing style has been reduced to that of a mere English professor. But alas, I cannot sit here and be silent while Binghamton Review releases an issue promoting mental disease and impurity, so here we go.…
No E-Girls
By Joe Badalamenti While I usually don’t write about cultural issues, for the sake of the “sex issue” I’ve decided to make an exception. When looking back on the last year since the previous sex issue you could see that there’s much to talk about, from debate about banning porn to recent scandalous Super Bowl performances. However there was one thing that stuck out to me recently, and that’s e-girls. Yeah that’s right, the rest…
THIS ONE SIMPLE TRICK CAN ADD SIX INCHES! READ HERE!
By Harold Rook It’s Valentine’s Day everyone, and that means that there is love in the air! It’s the time of the year where couples get cute gifts for each other, ceremoniously demonstrating their commitment to one another. Ah, such a beautiful time…for couples. But for the remainder of us, it’s an exasperating, almost obnoxious reminder that we are single, meaning another normal day with extra hearts and roses. For the lucky guy or gal…
COPPAs and Sobbers: YouTube’s Looming Doomsday
By Patrick McAuliffe Binghamton Review’s YouTube channel is on the cusp of 100 subscribers. It may not seem like much, but for the work that the staff has put into it, especially over this past semester, this is a huge milestone. I couldn’t be more proud of everyone’s efforts, but such a first step only means that we are entering a much larger world with many more pitfalls to doom our online platform. Specifically, new…
FUCK LIBERTARIANISM
By Musclini What’s up guys, it’s Musclini. I’ve been asked by the boss, the fans, and my conscience to have a quick, half page go off moment. So without further ado, let’s talk about libertarians. As a former libertarian, I don’t blame you for being less mentally developed than me, so I just want to lay down my thought process on transitioning from a cringe libertarian to an epic traditionalist. First, libertarians are, at best,…
The California Crisis
By Joe Badalamenti When one thinks of California, they will most likely picture several specific things. Perhaps they will think of Hollywood, inhabited by many wealthy actors, or maybe they’ll think of Silicon Valley, and the prosperity achieved by innovation of digital technology. However, this is a very general view which ignores many important details, such as the decay of cities through issues such as the housing and homelessness crisis. While these problems do exist…
World War I Remastered: The Iranian Edition
By Harold Rook Attention, ladies and gentlemen, pack your emergency MREs and head straight to your local fallout shelter, because World War III is here! Haven’t you heard? Tensions between the United States and Iran are at an all-time high, with President Trump giving the go-ahead for the assassination of Iranian Major General Qasem Soleimani. With the death of this modern-day Archduke Franz Ferdinand, a global war is sure to come, and soon enough we’ll…
Friends to Foes
By Kevin Vorrath As the field of Democratic candidates has continued to dwindle in the days leading up to the Iowa Caucus on February 3, it appears two former allies in the race have turned on each other. Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), the two most progressive candidates running for the Democratic nomination, have largely avoided attacking each other throughout the campaign season. It’s been widely reported that the two have…